The Simple Poppy

Heavy Negotiations Taking Place

 

Tea tins make great banks for kids

 

    This week is seeing us talk about what really matters, like picking up dirty socks, finishing schoolwork on time, and most importantly, $2.50. Yes. A paltry sum to us, perhaps, but an eye popping amount to my eldest, who was shocked to learn that if she actually manages to get some chores done as well as schoolwork with minimal whining and rolling on the floor groaning, she'll be receiving that amount weekly. After some quick mental sums were done her eyebrows met her hairline and she exclaimed, "That will be ten dollars a month!" I nodded sagely, happy that at eight, ten dollars still seems like a goodly number. 

    I find the subject of allowances pretty fraught with tension. The question isn't just should children get them or not, but how much, how often, and whether kids should get monetarily punished for behaviour or anything else.  Some people are vehemently against allowances for children. This seems to be based on one belief- the belief that children don't need money. From there this group splits up. Half think children don't need money because they don't deserve it, not  being wage-earners. The other half thinks that it undermines the faith and security children have in their parents to provide them with everything they need. Obviously every parent has the right to decide whether they will give their child an allowance or not, but neither of these reasons seem valid to me.

    Yes, children don't need money if you, the parent, pay for their needs. However, at some point you, as the parent, will not want to keep providing your child with money in their 20's, 30's, 40's and so forth. If you part with some of your hard earned cash while your child's most urgent need is the new Artemis Fowl book (we don't have video games, ipods, or mobiles for the kids - thankfully that considerably narrows the cost of the "wanties" down!) there is a chance they will learn to manage their money. So when they're older and actually need money for food or lodging, they have it rather than having to turn to you because they blew their food money on something absolutely fabulous. Yeah, turns out nothing is so absolutely fabulous as having a full stomach. That's what I want to teach my kids.

    As for brutally ripping my child's security blanket away from them in the form of giving them their own allowance, thus leaving them with the illusion that they must make their way alone in this harsh world, with only $2.50 in their pocket, until dinner time - I don't buy that argument either. I will always provide what my children need from what I have to give. That would be love, food, clothes, shelter, and an education. I think the fact we intend to care for them is quite clear, even to the two year old. I don't believe that teaching a child how to manage money harms them in any way at all. In fact, many of the people I know who are against allowances, preferring either to buy their children what they want when they want it, or to hand them twenty dollars willy-nilly, are the same parents who are clueless about how to save and budget themselves. I also know that many people my age and older still rely regularly on their parents for money. If, as a parent, it sounds awesome to have your kids beg for money as you near retirement, and you have the money to spare, great!! Honestly, I can't imagine that The Simple Man and I will ever have enough money in our lives to hand our adult children what amounts to an enormous, ongoing allowance. I hope to be able to help in cases of true emergency, when I know that my girls have done everything the way they should have and things are still going poorly. How will I know they have budgeted correctly? Because I plan on drilling it into them until they know in their sleep that they do not even look at something cute and unnecessary until everything else is paid for.

    I really believe that this type of ingrained budgeting starts early. My mom was taught money management young and chose to approach it the same way with us. While I do think that there are other ways to teach children good financial habits that will last them a lifetime without giving them an allowance, I also think this is the easiest way for us. Some people want to spare their children the realities of money. They want to provide for them without them knowing the cost. I get that. Money is often ugly and we hate for our children to be exposed to that. For us though, that type of innocence is not a good fit for the knowledge and responsibility we want our children to gain.

   I'm curious to know how other people feel about this, especially in light of simplifying, non-consumerism, minimalism etc. What did you do or do now with your children to teach them about money?

Are You the Tortoise or the Hare?

 

 

    When it comes to making improvements, if I have the resources and energy to do it all at once, I do. Impatience and a secret (because I'm ashamed of loving this) sense of drama is behind this choice. Once I make a decision, I prefer to get it done. I love the "bigness" of doing something in a magnificent swoop of activity.

   Many, many bloggers recommend giving yourself anywhere from a year to three years to reach the minimalist/simplified/decluttered point where you feel comfortable. I think of it as finally ending the purging stage and entering the maintenance stage. Naturally everyone will have to continue to periodically rid themselves of the the old, the no longer useful, and the unwanted, but with the right limits put in place and rejecting wanton consumerism, it should be the work of a few moments, rather than a year.

    I do understand the value of a steady, calm, and methodical approach to decluttering. However, when I finally stepped back and let myself really see how our things were strangling the life out of me, how I was unable even to  complete the most basics of tasks, much less anything for myself, because every corner of our house was choked with the unnecessary, I felt like it had to be taken care of immediately. Everyone's situation is unique, and everyone harbors within themselves different capabilities. While I have been almost obsessively tidy and spare my entire life, even after marriage and our first child, somehow I simply lost it after the second baby. It's not that I didn't try, or that I stopped caring or morphed into laziness.  I realized that I am only capable of managing so many people's things before it gets out of hand. Some people can manage ten people's worth of possessions; others cannot even manage their own. For me, without conscious minimalism, three was that number. A four person  household  clarified the issue -  we had to reduce absolutely everything.

    If I had made this decision before the second child came along, I might have taken my time with decluttering. Back then I was able to do what it took to run the house and still have time for myself. But after our indescribable first year as a family of four, and then almost an entire second year attempting a return to normalcy as well as beginning new adventures such as homeschooling - I  knew that to live the way we wanted to, things had to go. And they had to go fast because I would not willingly spend one more minute frustrated, exhausted, and defeated. So, after all these years of being an unwitting and sometime minimalist, I began to purposely go in that direction. It was May of 2010 and I think I should be finished sometime in February of 2011. That's nearly a year as it is. If I had taken my time, with two children always at home and everything else that needs doing, I think it really would have taken me around three years and that would have just been more of my life devoted to shifting around useless bits of stuff while feeling depressed at my inability to get anything finished.

    I'm not advocating doing it my way. I'm advocating doing it your way. You might find that you are comfortable with your household duties and amount of free time, but still wish to live a downsized lifestyle. Blasting through your belongings like a tornado might not be for you. On the other hand, if you're finding that your things or your family's things are seriously hampering your life, it might be time to get rid of your extras, and call everyone together and have a talk about priorities, the environment, your faith - whatever minimalism/simplifying means to you and your family, and see if you can't work out some kind of plan of attack.

    Yes, there is something to be said for giving yourself a chance to inculcate good habits during the year or more it takes to clear out your belongings. It's why the tortoise wins the race; he doesn't get burned out sprinting to the finish line. However, I believe that vigorously attacking those items and getting rid of them quickly, and experiencing the incredible difference it makes in your life will probably be more than sufficient inspiration to keep up with the maintenance.

 

    I'm the Hare, who are you?

 

 

 

 

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Netflix: As Addictive as Television?

 

 

  We've had Netflix for some time, on the dinky 2 DVDs a month plan. This essentially meant that I paid 5 dollars a month to hold onto the same DVD for two or three months because the combination of making time to watch something and then actually sending it back was light years beyond my capabilities. A few months ago The Simple Man came home on fire to get streaming Netflix. This was totally out of character for him and I place the blame squarely on Vincent Price and Humphrey Bogart. Once he found out Netflix has a large selection of old movies to stream - he didn't stand a chance. Naturally, like anything else technologically related in our house, this turned out to be a big ordeal.

    First we had to get a wireless router. Then we had to order the box that will actually stream the videos. There was a lot of frustrating muttering and occasional hysterical bursts of, "Computers! AAARRGGGHHHH! PIECES OF CRAP! WHY WERE THEY INVENTED!?!?" This is his usual refrain when he feels like taking a crowbar to the computer. Meanwhile, I stood around amused and a little excited about the chance to watch something cool once in awhile, despite the fact that we had to buy two items to achieve this.

    Now, months later,  I would say that our watching habits have not changed much despite the fact that we periodically have queue frenzy and indiscriminately add piles of movies to our lineup. We watch maybe four hours a week. It's about the same as before when we were getting DVDs out at the library. I know there is a lot of talk about how television can kill your productivity and creativity. I agree. I would assume that the people saying this mean watching anything either on a laptop or tv, since any other meaning would be grossly disingenous. Heh. Most of the time I would  not be watching if I could spend time doing something else. However, there comes a point in the evening after the girls are asleep, that while I wish I had enough energy to bust out the sewing machine or take out my paints, I just don't. After a full day of schooling, playing, errands, cooking, surviving numerous spats, meltdowns, lollipops, kisses, and bottom wiping, I'm often too tired to even read. But my brain is crying out for at least half an hour of winding down time. It's the same for The Simple Man; we pretty much watch only after our productivity is spent for the day.

    Also, as a mom with little to no support in terms of child minding, and certainly not enough money to pay the 10 to 15 dollars an hour that is the going rate for my area - I have missed every single interesting film, mostly independent and/or foreign film (anything our library doesn't have) I've wanted to see for about 10 years. This is the first time I've been able to indulge in my love for these films and I've seen some beautiful and provocative films that I'm still thinking about months later. I've also been a fan of documentaries and anything else in the nature/history/learning genre. There is artistry in good films, and while my first and most important love is reading, seeing something can impact you differently than reading it sometimes. I've mentioned before that my family didn't have a television for most of my upbringing, and when we did we were allowed one show a week, it was usually Mystery!  because the only channel we received was the local PBS station. It made watching something a treat, not a default activity.

    I won't pretend I'm not worried this measly four hours will turn into more. I don't know why, since in the whole 10 years we have been married we can barely make it through one movie a week, but I guess I feel like the culture of television might one day overtake us. While I simply don't feel that there would ever be the time or desire in our lives for more, we both decided that if it looked like it was heading in that direction, it would be time to cut it loose.

 

Are you happy or unhappy with your watching habits, if you even have any?

 

 

 

 

 

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Those Who Have Nothing

 

 

    Two weekends ago I finally finished going through all the clothes, linens, and blankets. It was . . . epic. All these years, we've had so much extra. Extra that was good, serviceable, and usable, with quite a bit of cute thrown in. Some items I kept because we thought we might have another baby. The majority of things we kept were because I thought we needed them or I was too overwhelmed by how much we owned to go through it all. At least that's over with now, with some pretty strict limits put in place to prevent it from piling it up again.

    We decided to take everything to a local shelter. All this week, which has been bitterly cold, I've been thinking about that pile of stuff. I feel ashamed. I have always been quite aware of how the consumer cycle is so poisonous with first its enticements, then the purchasing of items we don't need and can't afford, only to then have many of those things languish, unused, while we sit around despondent and overwhelmed at the state of finances, our home, our very life. Yes, I've understood that, and being frugal, avoided much of it. Not enough, though.  What hit me so hard looking at the mountain of unwanted items ready to be given away, was that someone who needs these things could have been using them. We don't have a lot compared to some people, but we own everything compared to a family living in a shelter.

      When The Simple Man dropped everything off, a man outside asked if there were any coats in the bags. As he was relating this to me I remembered that I do, indeed, have a small men's coat in pristine condition that I had planned to give away. This coat has sat in my basement for years. And somewhere out there, today, in this 20 degree weather, someone could have been wearing that coat. When I think about it that way, it's difficult to stomach the amount of junk I have in my house, much less think about anyone elses. I'm suddenly disgusted with everything. Obviously this season isn't helping, but just as we go through different layers in de-cluttering in our homes, we also uncover the depths of minimalism. Now that I've become (briefly, for the most part) re-acquainted with our stuff, the thought of more is almost repulsive.The fact that I have held onto things that could have been useful to someone else is not making me happy. Sure, I think we all have this idea that someone, somewhere could be using this, in the back of our head when we heave open a closet and take stock of its contents, but it's just so obvious, and so sad at this time of year. The harsh weather and need juxtaposed with the advertisements for MORE! BETTER! UPGRADE! JUMBO! LUXURY! MUST HAVES!

     So, if you have things that people need, get it out. Drop it off, preferably at a shelter. Those bins in parking lots that cleverly pose as being donated to charity are usually not. The people that own those companies make their money by hauling those clothes away to Africa or somewhere else to sell to people who probably don't have enough money either. I don't mean to depress people, just to express how I felt this past week giving my things away. So enjoy your families, your food, and your warmth - if we have enough to give away, we are so lucky and blessed!

 

 

 

photo: http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=1323208

 

 

 

 

Toys You Already Have

    Well, after The Toddler Minimalist I felt bad because all my closest friends I talked to said, in essence, "WAH! I just looked at my kid's toys and THERE IS SO MUCH!" I have been there with my oldest. Being a new mother I was completely unprepared for the amount of things people like to give to children and I wasn't able to keep on top of it. By the time I realized that it was necessary to do so, I was already snowed under. I will never forget the day when I carted Pumpkin off to my in laws and spent hours delving into every single nook in her room and started clearing it out. 4 year olds have a lot of nooks. By the end there were five trash bags of things ready for the garbage or to giveaway. One thing that I did notice through all the piles of toys was that she actually preferred, greatly preferred, playing with real items. One of her happiest moments was the day The Simple Man brought home a new (and clean) set of small wrenches and she spent the entire rest of the day playing with them. She didn't like crafts. She didn't like stamping. She didn't like dolls. She liked building and it continues to be favorite pastime, besides reading. You all know the old joke: child gets toy, ends up playing with box. So, from a minimalist parent's standpoint, why even get the toy?

 

    I thought I'd share some of the everyday household items most people (even  minimalists) have that my toddler loves the most.

 

 
    Water play - I set up a water station on her learning tower, though it's just as easy on a chair. A close friend reminded me of this idea (Thanks Z!) and my daughter loves it, it's easily an hour of playing every single time. This is used often within Montessori and Waldorf early education and play.

    I give her a bowl filled with warm water and a drop of natural soap. The items can vary, but she loves to wash with a scrubber, use a spoon to fill a cup, clean her dolls, and squeeze water out of her squeeze bottle. I always leave a clean dishtowel there for her to clean up with. If you have carpet or really nice floors, you can place a plastic tablecloth underneath the chair to prevent damage.

 

    The squeeze bottle and a dishcloth. I fill the bottle up with only a few tablespoons of water. Then I hand her the dishcloth and tell her I need her to clean the floor. She squeezes water out and then mops it up. Kids love wiping, dusting, polishing - so this is great for them.

 

    The giant scarf. For some reason both kids love this thing. It's an old, very wide and long wrap-around scarf or sarong. They tie each other up with it. They pretend it's a leash. They tie it around both their waists and run around screaming. They use it as a roof for their fort. Pumpkin drags Little Red Chili across the wood floor on it. It is the curtain for a puppet theater. It can be anything they want it to be, folds into a square the size of a fist, and is totally invaluable.

 

 

    Bowls, pitchers, spoons, and some dried goods like rice and beans. Pouring and spooning  back and forth in between bowls helps children with their coordination and focus.

 

 

    And finally, the humble laundry basket, or in the words of the toddler, "My boat."

    I'm sure everyone here can see the potential for major messes with these suggestions. Every child is different, but here is what I've noticed. Usually as long as the child is engrossed, they won't be in destruction mode. Once the novelty wears off or they are  simply finished, if you can catch them at this time, you can head off a disaster. It's only once they are no longer interested that they begin to throw things around.

    I relish the idea of household items providing double duty and being useful to both parents and children. There won't ever be a time while my girls are young where our house will be toyless, but I think strategies like these help them keep them occupied while learning at the same time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Toddler Minimalist

     On this "life of less" journey, you hear a persistent wail going up from parents about how to prevent the disease of "too much" from infiltrating their family through its tiniest members: children. I don't think there is any doubt that it can be difficult to dam the tidal wave of cleverly marketed items children supposedly need or must have in order to thrive.  It's definitely attainable though, and incredibly rewarding.

    Kids are one of the biggest obstacles to successful minimalism. I'm not denigrating; I'm just stating the obvious. It's not even the actual children; it's the grandparents, the birthday parties, the marketing and media, and finally the family and friends who have all been conditioned to think that children need things to make them happy. The message we're given is that if children don't get "more," not only will they be unhappy, but they might not love us anymore. That's a fear many people have. Here's what children absolutely need: clothes, shelter, food, education, and love. Amazing! Children are like the rest of us. 

    Today we are manipulated into becoming steadily more convinced of the greatness of our children's needs. Apparently children of today cannot learn or play as well as those of yesteryear without special toys, Cd's, and videos that claim to raise your child's IQ and have them be light years ahead of their peers. My girls do have some toys and many books, but I remain unconvinced that anything beyond what real life experiences have to offer are better learning tools for them.

    Children do need playthings. I'm not anti-toy. I am, however, against the junky, faddish, cheap plastic, television or film character toys that seem to overwhelm all toy stores and many toddlers' and  young children's rooms. There are many ways to limit your child's possessions, but I have found these the easiest:

• Clarify for yourself what you want to influence your child. Young children are learning every moment of the day, if a toy makes you uncomfortable in what you feel it represents to your child, you should rethink whether those kinds of toys should be allowed. Knowing what you want cuts down tremendously  on the stuff that comes into the house. And if it does enter your house, it can go directly into a giveaway bag.

• Have a set amount of space for your child's toys. Whether it is one toy chest in their room or is separated into a small basket for their room and another for the living room, make that be it - if it overflows, something should go.

• One in/one out. Simple. You have to remain firm on this one. Letting a little something slide leads to all those little somethings breeding.

 

    I regularly go through my toddler's things and take out belongings she either doesn't seem interested in or that she has outgrown. The toddler minimalist is a vastly different creature from its older siblings. With a toddler, you can cull at will for the most part. I think that starts to become impossible anywhere from 5 to 8, depending on your child's capacity for remembering/loving said items and how sentimental their personality is. The tween minimalist is infinitely harder to deal with, involving discussion, pleading, and bargaining. I think starting them early on the practices above makes the transition smoother. It has become much easier for me with my eldest now that she's familiar with this method.

    I'm posting pictures of both my toddler's toys as well as my nephew's just to give an idea of how this works for my sister and me. Every minimalist family is going to have different ideas of how to implement toddler minimalism, but I hope that seeing how others are doing it encourages those who are wondering if and how it can be done!

 

 

 

 

    The first picture is of the playthings we have downstairs for Little Red Chili. The bookshelf is in her room, and contains all her books, puzzles, and the rest of her toys. Yes, there are some floaters that I forgot to corral for the picture: a shoe box of wooden blocks, a small walker/ride toy, and 2 soft dolls. The Simple Man was highly indignant that I was going to leave that out; it offended his honest nature. I assure you that rather than try to put one over on you I was simply being lazy.

 

 

 

 These two are of my sister's house. In her son's room she keeps his toys and all his diapering paraphernalia in the lidded bench. Downstairs his toys occupy a side table. Having such a neat place for everything has made it easy to pick up and put away - an added benefit is that he is starting to do this for himself because it's been made easy for him.

     Having less in the way of toys means children play with what they have rather than listlessly picking at a jumbled pile of "too much." They grow up understanding the value and benefit of less, and it enables them to show some independence by taking care of their belongings themselves because what they own does not overwhelm them to the point of needing help during every clean up. It truly is a win-win situation!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Massive Mistake

Two weeks ago I thankfully (and finally) got rid of evidence of one of the largest material mistakes I've ever made. Behold, the 7 foot long foam bean bag:

    The idea for something to fill up that corner came because, well, I feared The Simple Man might try to make it home to more crappy furniture after I'd already gotten rid of a horrible armchair. Clearly, I shot myself in the foot, although I was unaware of it at the time.

     I'm not at all an impulse buyer. This beanbag did fit a lot of my requirements. It was low to the ground. It had washable covers. Rather than seem juvenile, it appeared to me like a slightly less exotic western version of a Moroccan divan or something. I steadfastly ignored that most of the advertising seemed aimed at college aged kids who apparently were supposed to pile onto the beanbag and writhe around together under strobe lights.

  So I saved up for it and bought it. I had wanted a small one, but was persuaded by The Giant Simple Man that he needed the 7 foot long one. It was a huge mistake. Literally. The thing inflated like a life raft in the ocean and the kids took one look at it and began running and slamming into it with uncontrolled mania. I did expect that. What I didn't expect was that I actually didn't like all that mushiness and I was pretty peeved that The Simple Man, who had talked me out of purchasing something of a normal size, now refused to have anything to do with it. If he had loved it that might have softened my immediate hatred of it, but...he didn't. I couldn't blame him. After all, we aren't 5 year olds.

    I tried unsuccessfully to sell it soon after we bought it. I wasn't mentally prepared at that time to let it go for a big loss. I hadn't reconciled myself to how much this mistake was going to cost me. So it sat there like the Blob, while I loathed it. Now that it's gone I think I can remember sitting on it once, maybe twice.

    Six months later I was over the money issue. I made peace with my mistake. I accepted that I would be paying for that mistake and understood the lessons it taught me. This took awhile because I'm really frugal and I was insanely angry with myself for wasting money. Although I was berating myself over it, I did take the time to step back and look at my spending habits overall. I decided that I was allowed one mistake. I'm very careful with our money; I agonize like a dork over any purchase more than 30 dollars, and I couldn't have known that this item wasn't going to work in our house. I let it go. It helped that I realized my desire to have a minimalist home. I understood that I don't have to fill a space. We are happier with less. It also confirmed to me that I was going about what (very) little house decorating I actually do, all wrong.

     Yes. Wrong. First of all, I wouldn't admit to what I liked at the risk of being labeled austere and/or boring. Denying my taste hindered my ability to make good choices with the little bit of money I'm willing to spend on that kind of thing. Also, I have learned to stop completely deferring to what the The Simple Man thinks is his taste. Without going into a whiny and desperate tirade about this, I will say that when he is asked his opinion, he invariably either does not like my suggestions, or is very meh. Or he says "red." Red is his design solution for everything. When he is not asked his opinion, he ends up really liking everything. Heh, heh, heh. After 10 years of jumbled furnishings and a severe lack of calm cohesiveness in the family home due to my adherence to his preferences, I'll be taking a break from asking for input unless it's a structural issue. Luckily we're downsizing which means there isn't much coming in anymore. And my taste is pretty neutral so I'm not about to break out the pink ruffles and ceramic chickens wearing aprons.

 

What? You're supposed to finish painting your baseboards?

 

    Many thanks to Mike, for his politeness, his ability to be punctual (a trait sadly lacking in Craig's List dealings) and the giant truck he brought to take away my beanbag. What was my mistake was his good luck. I was happy he was such a nice guy.

 

   Does the money you spent hold you back from getting rid of things? And heck yeah, you know I want to hear about your big, ugly, mistake.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Limits

 

 

    I'm about to do something I should have done a long time ago. Lately, I've been finding myself brooding as Sunday wanes, dreading the week ahead of me. I fret and growl, and try to think up plausible excuses that have at least an ounce of truth in them.

    I need to limit the amount of outings and commitments I have during the week.

    There is no more extra time for me. I'm kind of at the point where the next person who wants something from me might hear a cacophony of cursing reaching operatic proportions. I'm pretty tired and overwhelmed. In the spirit of honesty, I will admit that I tend to be like a nervous little dog. Everything stresses me out. I also have the misfortune of being one of those people who has sensory hypersensitivity; I have a hard time in crowds because of this and the fact that my personal space boundary is, like, gigantic, and I can feel someone behind me from 15 feet away. I realized as a young teen, that even though I was drawn to stimuli like a moth to a flame, it made me feel very, very bad. People who aren't calm on the inside need a lot of calmness on the outside. Or at least as much as can be reasonably attained. I'm not getting enough.

    As a homeschooling mom it becomes vital to say no. I'm sure there are many living situations where it is necessary to learn the phrase no (!) but I'm working from my own experience here. A lot of people assume I'm more flexible and have more time (oh, ha, bloody ha) than other people. While it's true that I don't have an outside job and my schedule can be reworked a bit, I'm not less busy than anyone else. And I shouldn't feel bad for saying no just because someone harbours a totally unrealistic idea of how my week goes down as opposed to the truth. So why do I?

     I do, in fact, feel terribly guilty whenever I decline to do something. I have been unable to simply say, "Sorry, but no." Even when I really have to say no, I end up explaining and apologizing. Part of my problem is having been a responsible person my whole life (oldest child syndrome?). It's difficult for me to say no to anything that might be even  remotely be connected to me, even if it's someone asking me to do a favour for them. I've even said yes to doing things I don't agree with. For years I've been asked to bring "children's food" to a certain event. I've always thought it was ridiculous, because there is an enormous amount of "grown up" food there. What? Kids can't eat paella? Curry? Spinach Feta Strata? They have to have macaroni and cheese and pizza? Their heads will explode if they have to eat some healthy, non-processed ethnic food? So I finally started saying no.

    I've also worked hard to be a loyal, dependable, efficient, and punctual person. I don't wish to be considered wifty or unreliable, and I'm not. What I have discounted was the ability to say no and still be that person I want to be. I'm not sure when or why I began to think that I had to say yes, but now I realize that it's a real problem and am predictably resentful. It tends to be the same small group of people who do everything. You might have noticed this if you are involved in a community, whether it's a religious or volunteer community, or just your neighborhood. I've certainly noticed it in mine.  People need to be cooked for? Same group! Something needs cleaning? Same group! Someone needs help with their medical appointments? Same group! This group is obviously composed of stressed out, firstborn, people pleasers. I'm joking, but kind of not really. I've noticed in the past, working outside the home life, and now as a Keeper of the House, that the people who do it all are the ones who get asked to do even more. At some point you have to break the myth that you can, actually, do more (which hurts the ego a tiny bit, people like me prefer not to admit that they can't do more) and force the askers to try to involve the people who have been relying on you to say yes to everything all this time.

    I know that I must be specific about the limits I put on myself. I can't expect that I'll say no when I start feeling stressed out because many times that stress hasn't transmitted itself to me until after I've committed myself. And once I commit myself, I almost never back out unless there is barf involved in volcanic quantities. So, because I am very poor at reading myself, I have to set limits. Obviously the level of "too much" is very individual. There are moms who can go from appointment to play-date to grocery shopping to the playground in one day. I cannot. My kids cannot. I'm not going to feel bad that our personalities and lifestyle choices have placed natural limits on what we can do.

 

 

More time to hang out with the ferns, man!

 

 

I've felt like I can't say no. But I can. And I will.

How about you?

 

 

 

 

Photo: http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=1285254

 

Linky, Linky

 

    Hoo Boy. This week got away from me. There's a lesson in there that I should listen to. Sorry about the light posting, but I have a few good posts slated for next week that I hope will redeem me.

    Every week I come across the wonderful, strange, and some just plain goodness on the internet. And I don't always share it, but I should. I'm not restricting myself to passing along any one kind of link, these are all over the place. Because seriously, who really only thinks about minimalism or environmentalism ALL THE TIME?

 

 If you like to make any of your own skincare or household cleaners, you should check out Crunchy Betty. She even has free, printable recipe cards of some of her best recipes.

25 Freen Printable Recipe Cards - Merry Early Crunchmas!

 

Barb at Happy Simple lets us know that we too, can shoo the guilt monster away after reducing our commitments. Might need some help on that.

Feel the Guilt and Say No Anyway

 

 

Sticking it to the man, the minimalist way, courtesy of Miss Minimalist.

 A Short Guide to Consumer Disobedience

 

 

I LOVE this idea - forgoing the giant, twee, diaper bag for an adorable and simplified little kit. It makes so much sense and if you can sew a straight line you can probably make this.

Making On-The-Go-Baby-Change-Kits

 

 

If you are ever feeling like a lowbrow, tv watching, car driving, stationary, good for nothing who will never attain the lofty and high ideals of the minimalist gods, read this post! It's a totally refreshing and honest perspective from The Everyday Minimalist. I have to say this is my favourite post ever of hers, because I can almost picture her shrugging and saying, "So I'm a minimalist. No big deal."  I like that she doesn't feel that being a minimalist somehow makes her super special. Or incredibly self actualized. Even though she probably is :)

Is Minimalism Just a Fad?

 

 

 Who doesn't like to end something by laughing? If you do, and your humour is weird, do go and visit Gary and Elaine. This is for all of you who have ever picked up a catalog and wondered why the hell there was a giant bowl of broken twigs and a round glass ball on the coffee table or some such other decor nonsense.

Catalog Living

 

Enjoy your weekend!

 

 

 

Many Thanks and...My Toaster

 

    I need to say thank you. I have already said thank you to the right people, but I wish to send it out into the universe because I'm that grateful.

    My first thank you happened over the weekend. We went clothes shopping (desperately needed for the stick of bamboo that is my eldest). As it was crowded like a herd stampeding towards a water  hole on the savanna, I took the girls outside to wait in the car while The Simple Man paid. In the parking lot A Bad Thing Happened. I'm normally careful to open Pumpkin's door myself because I worry about her hitting an adjacent car. This time I was distracted with Little Red Chili who was standing on the driver's seat honking the horn and laughing maniacally and I just motioned to her to get in. She hauled the door open, so carefree, while my face was set in a rictus of horror watching it bounce off the side of the brand new SUV parked next to us. After yelling and tears (poor kid) we settled down dejectedly to wait. The Simple Man came out, I told him what happened, and then we all sat there waiting for the owner. Privately, I was fervently hoping it would not be a 7 foot tall cannibal, but of course I didn't mention my fears to The Simple Man lest he think I have problems. After a few minutes an older lady came out and starts to walk to the SUV. We talk to her, apologize like mad, and offer to pay as she goes over to the spot. There was a tiny dent you could see in the right light; she wiped the paint smudge away with her sleeve. Then she ... laughed, said it wasn't a big deal and that she was shocked we stuck around. She  couldn't believe we were sitting out there worried. Words cannot express how thankful we were for her kindness. And here's how nice she really was - her car was TWO DAYS OLD. Yep. So, nice lady out there in West Philly, thank you. I know we already fell all over ourselves thanking you, and you even gave us hugs (!) but we really appreciate it. I hope somebody does you a good turn the next time you need it.

 The second thank you is to Miss Minimalist/Francine Jay. She thanked me (and others) for reviews done of her newest book, The Joy of Less. She didn't know I was writing it, and I didn't bring it to her attention, but yet she still took the time to thank me in email, on twitter, and finally on her blog! It meant a lot to me as I am a fan of her blog and her style of inclusive minimalism. She's been very kind to mention this wee blog and I'm so appreciative.  Go buy the book already!

    To the many new people who have stopped in via Miss Minimalist the past few days, thanks for visiting!

 

 

    And now the toaster.

    Two weeks ago our toaster oven broke. After fiddling with it, and more importantly getting The Simple Man to give his expert opinion on it's moribundity, I got rid of it. Since then I've had a lovely open spot on my island that has been begging me to stay. I've been thinking how nice it would be if it could stay. The reality, of course, is that dry frying morning toast for four people in a cast iron pan is rather time consuming. I was definitely toying with the idea of not replacing the toaster oven since our kitchen is tiny and has very little counter space. I now know that while it is totally possible, I think I'd rather have the toaster back. We have very few kitchen appliances, and the toaster is one that is used at least twice a day. Other than that we own a blender (lots of use in the summer), a handheld mixer, a food processor that I bought in the throes of nesting pregnancy hormones but actually use a few times a week, and an electric kettle. Does a manual pasta maker count? I have one of those, too. I make all of our own pasta, so that's non-negotiable. Once you start making homemade pasta, your family will try to stab you in the aorta with a fork if you buy packaged pasta. Kitchen appliances are pretty personal, what you own really depends on how you eat, cook, and live. Sure, you can have too many, but while some minimalists might only need their index finger to spread peanut butter on their sandwiches and for stirring ramen cups, others need...well, more. For instance, I think I read that both Miss Minimalist and The Everyday Minimalist have rice cookers. I was given one for my wedding years ago and hated it. Eventually The Simple Man used it for whatever he does down there in the basement. We eat rice frequently, but I prefer to cook mine on the stove. I didn't like cleaning out the rice cooker. But I do own a food processor, which I could do without, but do use at least once, sometimes more, a week. That's a good trade off for me. At one time, a few years ago, I was convinced I needed a Kitchen Aid mixer for bread making.  Because I don't have that kind of money to drop, I started saving, and in the interim began making my own bread by hand and one day realized that I didn't need any mixer beyond my ten dollar hand held one. Some people either eat out frequently or don't seriously cook and they are certainly not going to need the same items as someone like me. I still don't need much, as you can see, between seven and eight items, depending on the toaster. I could use less, but that would make my kitchen life considerably more difficult, and prolong cooking time to an unbearable extent. In this instance, I am preferring simplicity over absolute minimalism. If you're feeling stymied in your efforts to downsize your kitchen, I suggest this incredibly helpful and concise article by Mark Bittman. I first came across it on Becoming Minimalist and even if you think your kitchen is completely kitted out, it's still an excellent read and it may even provoke a second glance around your kitchen!

    Now, if  you'll excuse me, I'm going to research decent toasters that don't make frightening "I'll-kill-you-with-electricity" buzzing sounds.

 

Photos:

http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=755533

http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=download&id=136590