An issue I've dealt with for a good part of my adult life is contentment. Before you think I'm about to blast some Zen platitudes at you - I'm not. No one could be further from Zen than myself; I'm a worrier, a do-er, a planner, a can't sit still, frenetically paced sort of person. Though I see and understand the value of the sit and just "be" philosophy, I admit that my personality is particularly ill suited for it. Being content with something I feel could be ameliorated, however little, goes against my nature.
I have had, and continue to have trouble differentiating between contentment and what I think of as being either indifference or fatalism. If I think something needs to happen, I do my best to figure out how to bring that thing about. I've never understood inaction; it makes me uncomfortable. Now that I'm older, I realize that those feelings are due in large part to my inability to relax, breath deeply, and stop twitching, thinking, doing. I've always equated inaction with apathy, and many times it is, but it can also be a quiet assessment of the situation. It can be the ability to know that it won't work now, but might work later, so there is wisdom in contentment.
At this point, I'm trying to see contentment as a way of making the best of any current situation. I think you can actively be trying to change even while you are working on contentment. It's clearly a state of mind - contentment in what is now and what will come, while realizing that to get anywhere you must move forward.
It's hard to manufacture contentment, though. In many cases, it begins falsely, with you telling yourself that the now is just fine, until maybe one day it is. One of my biggest fears is that somewhere along the road of contentment, the ruts begin to get too large to climb out of. I'm terrified that in allowing myself to be content with the now, I will be "settling" for less than I know is possible in my life. I dread looking back on any part of my life with resentment towards myself (or others) over not trying hard enough. Yet at the same time, I don't want to be less than present and grateful for what my life is now.
So there you have it, my fractious feelings about contentment. I'm sure other people must feel the same way, especially as there is so much talk of contentment juxtaposed with an attitude that settling for less than anything you desire is cheating yourself. I don't necessarily subscribe wholly to either idea; I'm still at the mull and ponder stage. In fact, I might stay there my entire life.
What do you think about contentment? Do you believe that it's a must for a peaceful mind or do you think that rejecting it is the catalyst for change? Or perhaps you think I am completely mistaken on my definition of contentment?
It's a must for a peaceful mind. It is not the same as complacency, but much closer to satisfaction,and to cherishing.
Posted by: meg | 06/08/2011 at 07:25 PM
Complacency! That's the word I was feeling about for. Thanks Meg. Yes, I know contentment is necessary, but I feel I get it all tangled up with complacency at times and then it's a muddle. I love thinking of it as cherishing - that really sets things in perspective.
Posted by: TheSimplePoppy | 06/08/2011 at 07:57 PM
I recently read The Tao of Pooh and find that I am a little bit like Pooh. I sort of feel like it is going against nature to try to change things too much. Having said that I am a huge supporter of giving people room to change, so maybe I am not 100% like Pooh. I think I tend to guard for the worst and hope for the best when it comes to caustic people. I like feeling content and peaceful and I agree with Meg that contentment is essential for peace, but I have areas in which I am actually trying to be a little less content, a little less accepting of the norm or status quo. For instance, I took a big step out of my comfort zone this last year as we started researching private schools for our kids. Not only would changing schools mean making a change and admitting I am not content, it would mean reaching for something, a lifestyle perhaps, that is not currently one I enjoy. We are making the change, it is official, but as it has not yet occurred, it is a project in progress.
An area of my life in which I am trying to be more content (and I think you have achieved this, so don't totally knock yourself) is regarding my possessions and my desire to acquire more (more meaning really more of anything that might be on my heart to acquire at any given time). I am trying to be, at the very least, content with what I have, and at the most, content with less. Acquisition is an area in which I am not peaceful, but as voracious as any lion.
I think if you really examine yourself, you probably have things with which you are content as well.
Posted by: Erin Kleider | 06/11/2011 at 06:14 PM
Hi Erin, I find I am content with many things, but not everything...I guess that's what leads me to question things. Good for you for not accepting the status quo; it's not an easy place to be. Funny, when I was writing this, I thought of my journey to homeschooling my daughter and how it was born of discontent! How private schools were out for us financially, and our local public school boasts a whopping 10% proficiency in most subjects, it was one of our only options, and not supported too much!
As for achieving contentment with acquisition, as you put it, you flatter me, dear reader! I'm fairly good at the little things, my will power holds out on that. But what this post was really about? I don't like where we live. Yeah, I'm so content and minimal I want a different house! More yard! Well, any yard. That's what my next post is about :)
Posted by: TheSimplePoppy | 06/11/2011 at 08:41 PM
I don't like my house either. It down right depresses me. I like my yard, but I wish it was smaller and in general I wish we lived closer to a metropolitan area so that I didn't have to drive 35 minutes to do anything and everything. On the other hand...I need to learn to like my house because we will not be able to move anytime soon, the real estate market being what it is.
I took a chance with private school. We can't really afford it either, but it was private school or homeschooling and my kids are bit older than yours and would have to be totally retrained. I have always wanted to homeschool (my husband, not so much), so I totally understand your choice. Before making the final decision, we applied for grants and were given 3/4 of the tuition money. It was an offer a bit too good to turn down. When we started the search, we didn't think we could afford it either...we just took a chance.
Posted by: Erin Kleider | 06/11/2011 at 09:25 PM
My house is alright, but I hate our area, and I hate not having a yard. Am I allowed to say hate? You know how you end up somewhere because of university or employment or marriage and one day you think: "WHY am I still here?" Unfortunately, my husband grew up here and has a complicated love/hate relationship with Philly. I grew up having to drive a 1/2 hour to get anywhere, so even today I am shocked to when I'm in Center City in 5 minutes!
That's really great you got 3/4 of the tuition. Must be a sigh of relief! My husband didn't want us to homeschool either, but after checking out the private schools and the public, I was adamant. It didn't hurt that I homeschooled (though he thinks this is the source of my weirdness - I assure him it is not, I was born eccentric) and kind of knew the ropes. It's never an easy decision.
Posted by: TheSimplePoppy | 06/12/2011 at 07:03 PM
Hi. I found you via Miss Minimalist.
I've been thinking about this, too, lately. I have the same instinctual feeling that dissatisfaction has to be part of any forward momentum, and allowing myself to be content will lead to stagnation. But lately my thoughts have turned on this: whether I allow myself to be happy or not, things change, inevitably. In fact, things seem to change more easily when I'm enjoying life (or maybe the time just passes faster), whereas when I'm stuck in "this! must! change!" things seem to drag on forever. So: contentment does not cement things in stone - in fact, quite the opposite - but it does affect quality of life. If you look back to times when you were content, I'll bet they didn't last forever, but they are happy memories!!
Posted by: Suzyn | 06/23/2011 at 10:08 AM
Oooh, Suzyn, you make such a good point! Being laid back and/or happy DOES make the change seem faster and easier - I guess it's a case of a watched pot never boils. Anyway, being grumpy doesn't usually do anyone any good. And yeah, absolutely, happiness and sadness, as well as all the other emotions don't last forever, but rather cycle back around in life, and of course you have the memories! Thanks for commenting!
Posted by: TheSimplePoppy | 06/23/2011 at 02:45 PM