A Fine Romance With No Quarrels

 

  Last week The Simple Man came home with this book for me. We may or may not have had the tiniest of disagreements before he left for work and he knows I love to read, so it was very sweet of him to be thinking of me even after I might have possibly refused to say goodbye and stomped all over the house that morning. And then I looked at the book and I was torn between making a contemptuous sound like, "Fie!" and being overcome with how generally awesome The Simple Man is, barring his choice of books for me. Why? Because one look at the cover made me suspicious that this book was not my cup of tea, unless I liked my tea highly predictable, saccharin, and with a side of heaving bosoms. Reading the back just confirmed it. I asked him why he bought me a romance novel and he looked surprised.

Him: Huh? I thought it was about a strong woman. I thought you liked strong women. (I'm not sure why in his mind romance and strong woman are incompatible. Must think on that.)

Me: Where are you getting this strong woman stuff from? Did you even read the back?

Him: No. (Picking up book and reading from it) Look, it says: #1 New York Times and USA Today bestselling author! (He has no idea how little that means to me. If anything, it probably means I won't like it.)

Me: Can't you tell it's a romance novel from its cover?

Him: What? No - it's a little cottage. I thought you liked cottages!

    Needless to say, he would not believe me until I was forced to read out loud a passage involving a woman that looked like a Barbie, a man with a cleft chin, and contained the words lush, nuzzle, and heavy, nestled among more salacious adjectives. I think I made my point.

    Now here is what fascinates me, it might bore you though, how did I know the moment I saw it that it was a romance and he didn't? I'm guessing it's gender marketing and advertising. As an American woman, have I been so saturated with these types of messages my whole life that I'm now programmed to instantly recognise whether something geared towards women will interest me? Probably. It's the same reason that when I see pink handled household tools for women I want to weep and smash things. I know they are marketing these tools for me as a woman, and even though I reject them they do attract other buyers. There are plenty of women (and possibly men?!) to whom this kind of book speaks to immediately. Which is what that use of soft sunset colours and meta-messaging in the plot description on the back are for. The book tells them they will like it just as it told me I would not like it. I find it very interesting that The Simple Man took the book at face value, something I would not be able to do. He is either completely immune to gender marketing messages when it's not for his gender, OR it wasn't strong enough to break through his man barrier to inform him. I think it's the latter because I know he wouldn't have come home with a book depicting a couple passing out from desire for each other on the cover; that sort of advertising is bold and obvious. My book was definitely more coy and less graphic, but a romance all the same. And he knows I don't enjoy them.

    Also, I just want to say that I have nothing against romance novels. As much as I love good literature, there are times I'm tired and I just want to read something entertaining. I really enjoyed the Steig Larsson novels, but I'm not going to pretend they are great literature. Far from it, the dialogue tended towards agonizing at times. I am not judging the readers of romance novels. I don't think women who read romances are stupid or unrealistic, I think they want to escape for a short while and romance is their choice.  Me, I prefer a dead body, adventure, history, and moderate psychosis for escapism.

    All this made me think about my own buying habits. While it's clear that I avoid products that clash with my interests, it's also been obvious to me for a long time that I'm totally susceptible when it comes to packaging I like. Case in point. I spent two more dollars buying hot chocolate in this achingly adorable little bottle when I could have had the organic kind in a tin for less.

    I tell myself that the bottle is reusable and I do have plans for it, but that doesn't mitigate the affect the packaging had on me in the first place. I have a background in retail and often attended seminars during natural food conventions about advertising and marketing when I was a buyer blah blah blah and I still cannot help myself. It is powerful. I am very conservative when it comes to spending money, and I do try to remain immune to advertising and good packaging unless they fit all the qualifications for what I need and want. Mrs. Meyer's cleaning products come to mind. I find them  hard to resist  because of how they smell and the way they look on my counters. I could buy less expensive products or even make my own in some instances, but I am weak. After all this uncluttering, minimalism, simple living and/or frugalness, do you feel like you are still affected by marketing and advertising?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Erin Kleider]

This post gave me a good giggle. I am pretty sure my simple man would have read the clues on the book cover, but I don't know...maybe I am wrong. Right before we got married, he picked up a steamy romance by Danielle Steele over a book by D.H. Lawrence (actually both would probably be sorta steamy) when he couldn't fall asleep at night. I was horrified. On the other hand, I love that your sweety got you a book. That is really nice.

Anyway, I LOVE the silly cow thingee...I need one too. I can totally see wildflowers lazing in it this summer. Where'd you get it? And a bonus is the great name "Silly Cow Farms." I want to go there for a field trip.

And by the way, I love, Love, LOVE Mrs. Meyers and all of her products. I LOVE the smell. I LOVE the bottle. I am a sucker. Unfortunately for me, I discovered her after all of our local stores discontinued carrying her products. Bon Ami is not bad...not quite as good as Mrs. Meyers and not quite as cute, but not bad. I am trying really hard to reduce the chemicals in my house. It is a slow process.

[TheSimplePoppy]

Oh yeah, D.H. Lawrence would've been steamy, but in an anxious, depressing, literary sort of way.

The hot chocolate mix was from Whole Foods and I resisted buying it for months, but then it snowed and the girls wanted hot chocolate and I told myself that I was buying it FOR THEM - NOT FOR THE BOTTLE. We all know it's a lie, but I'm resting easier thinking I've been bullied into it. And Mrs. Meyers. Good Lord. I get email offers of free shipping from them all the time and I have to tell myself: "No one buys cleaning products from the mail. You are crazy. Do not do this even though the scents make you totally happy." I haven't caved yet. And yes, you must reduce chemical cleaners - they gave my mom asthma after years of using them!

[meg]

This is a great post, I burst out laughing about the book and my husband looked up from his computer and asked what was up, but I just mumbled something or other...sometimes it isn't just the story it is the way you tell it :)

I am as guilty as anyone of succombing to the quaintly packaged product over the usual packaged one. Method at Target was one of them for a while, but Mrs. Meyers' stuff is so tempting. Agree about the chemical stuff and asthma. My mom used to clean everything with Fantastik and couldn't understand why I didn't use it when I had a home of my own. The darn stuff would burn my nose and eyes and make me gasp. I have tried many different kinds of readymade cleaners that are supposed to be "green" and they are just as bad as the ones that aren't. Homemade concoctions are probably the only alternative.

That being said, a happy compromise is buying one beautiful bottle of the commercial stuff, then refilling it with a water and vinegar combo. Waaaaaa! I want my nice smells, too! :(

[TheSimplePoppy]

Gah! Meg, I wasn't going to admit to my Method/Target problem, but I guess now I have to. I have abstained for some time from Method (still have to go to Target occasionally, being from Kentucky where Target was THE place to shop has placed its indelible mark on me) but I do have my little lavender all purpose Method bottle filled with. . .yes, vinegar, H20 and some soap. I, too, miss the smells and I'm not adept enough with essential oils to make something I want to swoon over.

So glad to know I'm not the only one with a good packaging addiction!

[jaime]

I'm late to this but I will chime in and admit that I am a sucker for packaging. Method, Mrs Myers, and Dr. Bronners are my favorite. I have also been known to buy an item in a cute tin or jar just because it is cute. My husband thinks I'm crazy. He usually just rolls his eyes. Sometimes he sees something he knows I will like (just for the packaging) and tries to head me off at the pass and put a more economical brand in the cart. That Silly Cow Farms hot chocolate mix is something he would definately try to keep out of my sight line. I would have picked that up in a heartbeat and justified it by promising to refill it with my own homemade hot chocolate mixture.

And I have to say, ordering cleaning products in the mail does happen. Ahem.

[TheSimplePoppy]

Oh Jaime, I do not take my husband shopping with me. Occasionally we might find ourselves together in a store but I will not buy with him there because...I don't need his opinion on everything I purchase, ha ha. And I tend to hide things that I know might get eye-rolling - because I'm juvenile like that :)

[erikaf]

I agree with you about how lovely the sprays (Method, Mrs. Meyers, etc.) are and how easy & even attractive cleaning has become since their arrival in the stores. My doubt is based on reading Barbara Ehrenreich's book, Nickled and Dimed. She points out that sprays, used in commercial spaces (motels, hotels, etc.) and by commercial cleaning services, do not clean well according to certain public health sources. Ehrenreich herself has a PhD in I think chemistry ... anyway, she is way smart. She quotes a couple of sources who say that to kill germs, which you want to do if you are sharing a bathroom, kitchen, etc., you need hot water, an alkaline soap, scrubbing action, and you also need to rinse off the suds with plenty of clean water. She brings up the way we've been led to believe that what looks clean is clean, which is true with sprays, yet germs which carry disease are often invisible and are not removed by spray-and-wipe action. She goes further to suggest that our society is focused on superficiality, and so doesn't really clean/go deeply .... I travel often in parts of the world which are unhygienic, and have learned that cleanliness isn't just a cosmetic idea; contagious diseases can be minimized by good cleaning. There is a lot of thought about the growing ability of bacteria/viruses to replicate, travel, mutate and how we are all vulnerable to disease, even in civilized western areas. The current bedbug infestations are similar problems: they require heavy cleaning agents. So personally I try to wash with hot water and soap. Vinegar & lemon alas do not have any cleaning power though it's a sacred belief among many Americans today, sigh.

Another friend of mine points out that housecleaning is an activity which is soothing, instructive, and builds family bonds; it teaches us to care for our homes and possessions, and so we should accept the time it takes. I remember as a kid we had an hour every Saturday morning when we cleaned our rooms; Ehrenreich points out how many American families now hire a cleaning service (which usually exploit workers) and so kids grow up not knowing what caring for a home entails.

Lastly, sprays are mainly water + cleaning agents. We are paying a lot to transport water from the manufacturer to the store, then home. We could make our own and save money at the same time. There must be good recipes around. Hope this isn't read as a flame but as food for thought.

[TheSimplePoppy]

Hi Erika, I didn't read it as a flame, but I have to say that I do make most of my own cleaning products. I know that most of the stuff in the stores are pretty and smell good and that's about it. My sister works in a medical facility and has long said that all one needs is soap, friction, and hot water. And I do clean my house and teach my children to do the same, as I believe it is their right to have this knowledge. But, after all, this wasn't really a post about cleaning so much as our attraction to products we don't really need!